08 Feb Stop Ignoring Me!!**
Um, hello???
Wait, before I get into what’s bugging me, want to hear something kind of funny?
I was doing some work and stuff, you know, and then all of a sudden I was on my blog and I saw that thing which is annoying me and so I decided I must post this post which I’m going to post in a minute and I decided it must be called STOP IGNORING ME
Wait, I have to interrupt and tell you something else funny first.
So I was typing that Stop Ignoring Me in all caps there and instead I wrote STOP ANNOYING ME which is funny because both the ignoring me is SO ANNOYING and also the first funny thing that I was about to tell you is SO ANNOYING.
So back to the 1st funny thing. The ignoring/annoying was the 2nd funny thing, in case you only thought it was semi-funny. Which would be kind of annoying.
Anyway, So I checked my blog to see if there was a new post, but there wasn’t. Annoying.
So the 1st funny thing was the reason I wrote annoying instead of ignoring, is because I wanted you to stop ignoring me, which is totally annoying, but as I was about to type ignoring, I realized there’s something even more annoying going on. Right now!!
There’s a freaking jackhammer going on outside my window!! WTF?!?!
And the 3rd funny thing–I know, I can’t believe there’s a 3rd funny thing, although this is kind of more crazy than funny, is that just this morning as I was looking out the window at the epic snowstorm, I was looking back at the building across the street that has been under construction for TWO YEARS when you consider all the time it’s taken to take down the previous building and put up the new building (and that’s been a LOT of jackhamering for someone who works at home), and I was thinking wow, bet those guys are really happy all the windows are up now, unlike during Hurricane Sandy, when they had to wrap the whole building in some kind of protective gauze (although in retrospect it was probably a little stronger than gauze) to keep all the heavy machines from blowing out the open sides and into my windows. (Thanks, guys!) And I was thinking, man, I’m so glad all that jackhammering is done.
Wait. That wasn’t funny. That was just annoying.
Although what’s funny is that when I saved this as a draft and read it I had this written: “Whew! That was kind of exhausting telling that funny/crazy story. Was that even a story??” But the answer was no, it wasn’t a story, because I had forgotten to write the last line about how I’d just been thinking how glad I was that all the jackhammering was done, which had been the whole point of my story!!!
I think this may be reason 10 kajillion why I shouldn’t be a writer or something. But that’s not what this post is about.
But it does bring me back to the first annoying thing which is why I started writing this post–remember way back at the top when I checked my blog? I don’t know how to return to top. Ha! I just underlined that (and colored it–tricked ya! (which reminds me of another funny story but I’ll save that for another time)), but didn’t link. Since holy crap, if you actually returned to the top we’d never get to the end of this post.
So I checked my blog but back then there wasn’t this new post, there was only the last post about you know, these two AWESOME BOOKS I have coming out in the next two weeks. And you know how many comments there were? NONE!!
Yeah yeah yeah, don’t try and curry favor with me by posting a comment there now. It’s too late. And I don’t like curry.
But lookee here. I have finished copies of these GORGEOUS, awesome books.
I know you want these. And I want to send them to you.
In the comments, please give your most creative spelling of Kiersten and Kasie’s names (feel free to go by how you think they should be pronounced, how you feel they are pronounced, or get totally creative like “Big K” or “Little K” or whatever. And I’d suggest a different color/direction for their last names, but again, feel free to be creative).
Don’t forget, I don’t use random number generators. I like to judge you. So please entertain me. Winner will be picked when I feel like it, but probably Monday morning, so don’t wait to enter. Depending on your answers, and my mood, and how many I like, one winner will get both books or two winners will each get one book.
*This contest was approved by nobody except me. It is not open to international people. I am the sole judge and I don’t have to justify my decisions to anyone. Enter or don’t. But I’m just saying, these books are crazy awesome.
**So don’t ignore me again.
PS-As I’m reading this post before I post it, I have to admit, I’m finding all those “funny” things a little confusing, like maybe there are even more than 3. But I can’t quite sort it out. But maybe that’s just because I totally crack myself up. Which of course is why I can’t believe no one commented on the last post. I hope you realize I’m still pissed about that. And really you totally don’t deserve a reward. This is setting a bad precedent.
BONUS:
I just decided that the above part of the contest can only win you one book. In order to win BOTH books, you need to list what the 3 funny things were in order, and what was the hidden 4th funny thing.
OMG, I’m so brilliant.
Hint, that last line is not the hidden 4th funny thing and if you put that it will automatically disqualify you from the contest.
PPS-This bonus question is harder than it seems because I just reread this post one last time since I’m about to post it and I realize that all the funny/crazy things make no sense. So have at it, and I will judge you.
WAIT!!!!!!!
I changed my mind. The real contest is making sense of the 3 funny/annoying things and then pointing out the 4th hidden one and then the bonus question is figuring out a new name for Kiersten West/Kasie White. See-just like that. Snuck that in. They’re really Kiersten White and Kasie West. But make yours better than those or you’ll never win.
I know. I clearly need more sleep.
Annnnnnd GO!
AK
Posted at 12:58h, 08 FebruaryYeah. I only got 4.5 hours of sleep and try as I might I got lost on the second and a half funny thing and then distracted by the jackhammers (I would have to escape. That would make me certifiable. I would no longer work from home. I would work from Starbucks, or a hotel.) I like the pretty book covers and I think Crosstown Wits and KC Westerton are lucky to not be ignored. But that’s all I’ve got. Time for a nap yet?
Kaniesha
Posted at 13:01h, 08 FebruaryThis is crazy. Super crazy. I’m afraid to be disqualified but I’m going to try anyways. But yeah, hi! New reader. Came here from a RT by Kiersten. Yep. True story.
Okay. I think I got this.
First funny thing: You wrote annoying instead of ignoring because being ignored is annoying.
Second funny thing: (OMG I DON’T HAVE THIS.. WHAT..) Um, you wrote annoying instead of ignoring. (Like, this is both the first and second funny thing, but the first one is the reason why… So #1 should be being ignored is annoying? I’m going to lose this *panics*) Or no wait, the jackhammer outside – it was funny because you realized it was annoying while you were thinking about how being ignored is annoying.
Third funny thing: It’s taken two years for the building to be built but… you decided that wasn’t funny, that it was annoying and what was actually funny was that your annoying/ignoring story wasn’t really a story (though, I think it is) and that you were going to write about the jackhammering being done but forgot. (Though you did remember to put it in here!)
Whew, okay. I think I got that. But then there’s a fourth funny thing. I think that goes by opinion though! I think you’re funny so all the things are funny. Um. Hm. OH YEAH! The return to top is totally the fourth funny thing. I thought it was real. But it wasn’t. Then I felt like a doofus.
So this part of the contest – Do we have to think of new names for them or new ways of spelling? ‘Cause those are two completely different things.
Kiersten White – Keyerstin Whyt. (Haha! I like the word Key. and I’m assuming that’s how her name is pronounced – Keyer-stin Why-t).
Kasie West – Kaycee West (I don’t think there’s a possibly different way to spell West and for it to make sense. Maybe Whest? But that looks like chest and that’s weird.)
If I have to make new names for them that’d be super hard. But yes! Thank you for the opportunity hohohohohoho.
Hannah
Posted at 13:02h, 08 FebruaryLMAO! This might be the best post in the history of posts, thus making it the best (albeit most confusing) giveaway EVER. But I love Kirstin/Kersten/Kieristin/Kierstin …. *runs to check actualy spelling* KIERSTEN (like the American Girl doll) White and Cassie/Casie/Casey … Cassandra? KASIE West. Let’s see if I got your funnies:
1. Typed “Annoying” instead of “Ignorning” for the blog post title, but hold up. This is really number 2.
Does order matter? Hmmm….
#1) (Which is really #2, but whatevs): You want your blog to stop being ignored so you made a post, but demanding to not be ignored is sort of annoying which brings up back up (down? around?) to #2 (which is really #1):
#2) Typed “Annoying” instead of “Ignorning” for the blog post title.
#3) Is that the building that’s been under consstruction for 2 years behind your house (honey, the road in near my house has been under construction 5 year. There’s 2 lanes! What can take 5 years to fix?!) now has windows, this making the work men who annoyed you with their jackhammering (because you cannot IGNORE jackhammers at 8 am) happy because unlike in Sandy, they don’t have the dress the building like a mummy.
And hidden funny #4 (not sure if this is the ACTUAL funny, but *I* found it funny) is the link you mention to scroll back up, but ain’t really a link at all.
And I’m totally adding you to my blog as a blog to follow. This was hysterically awesome.
Maureen
Posted at 13:11h, 08 FebruaryThe three funny things are:
1. That you thought there were 3 funny things.
2. That you thought jackhammers were funny–but they’re not.
3. That you thought you could fool us and SAY you had 3 funny things, when in fact, you secretly hid FIVE funny things in the post. But it’s in secret code. Which means to understand the 3 funny things we have to first decode the magic-ring decoder aspect in which only every 3rd letter makes sense except every so often it’s every 5th letter, sort of randomly, which all spells out the Magic Message: BUY PIVOT MIND. BUY POINT GAMES. NO, WAIT, BUY PIVOT GAMES. BUY MIND POINT. NO, WAIT, BUY WHATEVER BOOK I TELL YOU TO BUY. BUY. BUY BUY. Of course the message itself is scrambled so what the REAL real message is is more like PLEEEEEZE DON’T LET IT SNOW A FOOT THIS WEEKEND! Except that when translated into Urdu, then into Farsi, then into Hindi, then into Russian and back into Mandarin, written backwards, transliterated into Kanji, switched to Japanese, converted to ancient Greek and written upside down on the bottom of snowshoes and stomped across Central Park in an arcane pattern that resembles a heart-shape (for Valentine’s Day, don’t you know?) what it really means is that THIS ENTRY WINS!
And here’s how you really spell the name of the author of MIND GAMES:
S
T
A
N
D (Translation: “queer stand”)
And here’s how you really spell the name of the author of PIVOT POINT:
Mmmm, buh-BYE! (Translation: “‘kay, see ya!”)
There. I do hope you’ll correct the spellings on the authors’ contracts because it really would look a little awful to have their names misspelled as they no doubt are now, don’t you think?
Whew. That was really hard work.
Maureen
Posted at 13:14h, 08 FebruaryWell, phooey…my queer stand got all the queerness edited out of it. Bummer. Here it is as it was SUPPOSED to be, (edited to add stuff so WP editor doesn’t screw it up again):
And here’s how you really spell the name of the author of MIND GAMES:
………..S
……………….. T
………… A
…………….. N
…….D
(Translation: “queer stand”)
And here’s how you really spell the name of the author of PIVOT POINT:
Mmmm, buh-BYE! (Translation: “‘kay, see ya!”)
There. I do hope you’ll correct the spellings on the authors’ contracts because it really would look a little awful to have their names misspelled as they no doubt are now, don’t you think?
Whew. That was really hard work.
kasie west
Posted at 14:29h, 08 FebruaryAre our books sitting in a chair? Hanging out together?
This post made me nearly spew milk out my nose. You’re funny. And crazy (see, I have to have that part in my bio). And this is why I love you dearly. 🙂
michelle
Posted at 15:33h, 08 Februaryfunny 1: writing annoying and ignoring way too many times until they sounds like annoring
funny 2: a building in construction for 2 years
funny 3: the return to the top bit that looks like a link but is not a link
hidden funny: the link to the knock knock post and how there’s no comments because there are comments. 19 of them. i guess people like curry.
new names: kasie red and kiersten east
happy friday 🙂
Kayla Olson
Posted at 15:36h, 08 FebruaryYou crack me up, Michelle! OKAY. So. Funny things, funny things…let’s see if I have them right:
1) The first funny thing is that the ALL-CAPS ANNOYING jackhammer outside convinced your brain to type annoying instead of ignoring (and the jackhammer was even MORE ANNOYING than the annoying blog-post-ignoring)
2) The second funny thing is that you want people to stop ignoring you, but you accidentally wrote annoying, which was actually kind of fitting
3) The third funny thing is that, after TWO LONG YEARS of construction, the windows on that building across the street are FINALLY up, just in time for the snowstorm! Unlike during Hurricane Sandy, when they had to wrap everything in gauze. (Gauze? Seriously? What a nightmare! I bet they really ARE relieved!)
4) The fourth (hidden) funny thing was that when you re-read your post, after suffering some crazy-post-writing-exhaustion (Haha, get it? Post-writing exhaustion—like, it could mean both the exhaustion you suffered *due to* writing a post AND the exhaustion you suffered *immediately after* writing the post? LOL.)—ANYWAY—after your exhaustion, you realized you’d forgotten to include the very point of your funny story, that the jackhammer had finally stopped!
5) I found a fifth funny thing, but it’s in the sidebar, not the post: I think it’s kind of awesome that the word SHIBUMI is even bigger than Kiersten’s name in your word cloud—which means you’ve done a heck of a lot of SHIBUMI-ing. Which I find funny.
Okay, creative misspellings:
Khyeerçtyinn Uuyyt
CKeihsseey Ooehçt
(In case my special c’s don’t show up, the one in Kiersten’s first name and in Kasie’s last name is a French c with the cĂ©dille accent on it, and I decided it should be pronounced as an s in both cases.)
Desiree
Posted at 17:27h, 08 FebruaryHoly effin shit, I love this post! I have never seen your blog before, but now I think I am a die-hard fan! OK let us see if I can figure this out without being disqualified, shall we?
Funny/annoying things:
1) You checked to see if there was a new post but there wasn’t, which was annoying as shit!
2) When you went to write this post you Wrote STOP ANNOYING ME instead of STOP IGNORING ME. This is both funny and annoying because you meant it, but it was not what you meant to write.
3) There is a flippin jack hammer going off right outside your window! What the freaking monkey yo! I HATE that shit! Wasn’t the jack hammering supposed to over? It has been going for TWO YEARS! Get your job done construction crew! Unless of course you are super cute and without shirts and jack hammers!
4) After saving the draft, you realized that the story you had just told was exhausting! But wait, was it even a story? Not really because the ending was missing. Oh crap!!
5) BONUS FUNNY! You wrote this… “Yeah yeah yeah, don’t try and curry favor with me by posting a comment there now. It’s too late. And I don’t like curry.” Clever word play my friend, although I must disagree and say that curry is fantastically tasty! Oh shit, did that just disqualify me? Even if it did, i’m sticking to my guns! CURRY: THE SHIT IS DELICIOUS!
Now for the names! Kaswizzle Westside and Frankierstien blancster
Jennifer
Posted at 10:30h, 10 FebruaryHow did you know I wanted to read these books? Did you read my MIND?
#1: That there were no comments on the previous post, making it an annoying form of ignoring you. But mostly the curry pun.
#2: You wrote stop annoying me instead of stop ignoring, which is funny because the ignoring is annoying!
#3: That you forgot to add the line about how you were relieved the jackhammering is done, which was the point of the story.
#4: The footnote telling us to not ignore you again.
tseW Kay-Cee
(Get it??? It’s the wrong way because of the pivot point! And I spelled Kasie like the grocery store! I’M SO CLEVER I AMAZE MYSELF.)
Cure Stan With
(Oh, no, a cliffhanger! What do we cure Stan with? WHAT????)
Laura Bingham
Posted at 21:31h, 10 FebruaryI’m not even going to try to win. But having had the privilege of spending time with the adorable, talented K who wrote a spellbinding series and the enthusiastic K whose twist in reality I cannot wait to get my hands on, I would say that these books are worth every penny anyway. And how it is funny how annoying ignoring is, even if it was a crime of omission. Except when the omission of a jackhammer is not a crime. Cheers, and congrats on the lovely new books!
Everyone’s A Winner! « Wolfson Literary Agency
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