Happy Holidays! I said it first, I win!!!

Happy Holidays! I said it first, I win!!!

So I’ve already started saying it.

In emails, of course. But that’s practically the same thing, since who gets together in person anymore. and the phone?? What’s that? My kids will probably do a term paper on that old historical object called the land line.

But I digress.

So I said it. I said Happy Holidays! It seems like every year I start saying it earlier and earlier and continue asking about it later and later. And somehow I hate myself for it just a little bit more.

I mean, we have holidays all throughout the year. But when we say “Holidays,” I think it’s generally understood that we mean the Christmas/New Year’sย break. And I say this as someone who doesn’t even celebrate Christmas. I do vacation then though.

So why should I start saying it now?? Before Thanksgiving?? What if someone thinks I mean have a good Thanksgiving? That’s not what I meant at all.

And where does Chanukah fit into all of this? I think we get the shaft because no one really knows how to spell it. Is it Chanuka? Hanukkah? And no one knows when it is either (December 20-28 this year. You’re welcome).

So what’s my point? Have you noticed that so many of my posts have a “so what’s my point” line in them. Do you think that’s a problem? Like maybe my point should be more obvious? Like instead of just rambling on about the problem, I should be more clear about bringing you to the goal of the obvious ย problem. AND the solution??

I guess it doesn’t really matter what you think. Oh wait! It totally could. I could put in a survey monkey. That would be like a whole new level of Holy Krakatoa awesome on my blog. I’ve never done this before. I’ve participated but never installed one. Let me try.

I think I did it!!!! Take my survey here:

Awesome Survey

Ok, so following the results, I will adjust on the point-making section of this blog. But for now, I’m going to make a point since I really did have one when I started. I had to reread the post to remember what it was, and you might have to also, but don’t get distracted and retake the poll. I think it only lets you do it once.

So my point is that this year I propose we take a no happy holidays pledge. I’m just going to assume you wish it for me, and you should assume I wish it for you. And in January, you should assume my holidays were good, but they went too fast, and they already feel like a million years ago. And I’ll do the same for you.

I think I’ve just saved us all at leastย 15 hours and 42 minutes in this year and definitely about 8 hours and 26 minutes in the new year. I propose we take those hours and do something AWESOME with them. Give me your best suggestions in the comments. Please? Pretty please? You know this blog will wither up and die without a lot of good comments. I’m very needy like that.

Otherwise I will take those 24 hours and 8 minutes and spend them begging for comments on my blog. And trust me, it won’t be pretty.

  • Kiersten White
    Posted at 10:58h, 17 November Reply

    Happy holidays, Michelle!

    (I couldn’t help myself. You know how contrary I can be.)

  • daisy whitney
    Posted at 11:02h, 17 November Reply

    It’s like that Seinfeld ep where Kramer talks about relationships and how weary they are because it is all “how was your day” and “how was your day.” Just like the Happy Holidays blah blah blah!

  • daisy whitney
    Posted at 11:04h, 17 November Reply

    But even as someone who celebrates both holidays sometimes I wish people Merry Christmas when I know they celebrate it and I do it because it is so not PC anymore but whatever! If they celebrate it then I say it! I know. I know. I am wild and crazy!

  • Patty Blount
    Posted at 11:07h, 17 November Reply

    I love holidays. Just celebrated Diwali with some of my coworkers. I’m hosting Thanksgiving this year. I usually take the time to wish my Jewish friends and relatives a Happy New Year when Rosh Hashanah rolls around, as well as a Happy Hanukkah. It’s a party!

  • Wolfson Literary
    Posted at 11:07h, 17 November Reply

    I know I won’t stop–do I really seem like I could stop??? But I couldn’t believe I started already! It’s only mid-November!!!

  • Mellanie Szereto
    Posted at 11:08h, 17 November Reply

    In my mind, Happy Holidays includes any and all holidays between Thanksgiving and the Chinese New Year. Let’s take those extra hours and minutes to remember that the people of our world have more similarities than differences. Peace on Earth–not because you’re Christian, Jewish, etc., but because we’re all human beings.

    Is that thoughtful enough to make a good comment? ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Wolfson Literary
      Posted at 11:18h, 17 November Reply

      Maybe a little too thoughtful for this blog, but overall a very nice comment. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Jennifer M.J. Thorne (@juniperjenny)
    Posted at 11:11h, 17 November Reply

    I think you should only say it if the mood really and truly strikes you. And then you should say it very loudly and boisterously, with your eyes glowing maniacally, and you should probably add a small pause between “ha” and “ppy.” A la: ‘HA!…(ppy) HOLIDAYS!!!!”

    And it should not be this early. This early you should say “Happy Thanksgiving” out of the corner of your mouth with a sly look like you’re both in on a secret – and that secret is binge eating.

    • Wolfson Literary
      Posted at 11:20h, 17 November Reply

      Ok, I love this. This may have to be my new plan going forward. The only problem is so much of it is said in the context of work emails. But in person, this is totally going to bemy thing. I especially like the Thanksgiving sly secret. This is truly holy krakatoa awesome.

  • Candice
    Posted at 11:11h, 17 November Reply

    Fifteen extra hours this year is just about enough to watch an entire season of something on Netfllix. I would sooo forgo all the holiday wishing for that.

  • Bethany
    Posted at 11:19h, 17 November Reply

    Happy Chanukah/ Hanukkah–whichever you prefer. I know it’s early, but hey, it’s the thought that counts. I do celebrate Christmas (both secularly and in the religious sense–we decorate and we go to Church).

    When I say “Happy Holidays” I mean any holiday that person celebrates and that I wish them well. I tend towards “Merry Christmas” since I do celebrate it, but either way, it’s just me wishing someone blessings and good will.

    I admire the Jewish religion because it’s the foundation for Christianity. Growing up my family had a respect for the traditions. We even celebrated Passover sometimes with a Christian twist to it (read the Passion Account in the Gospel of John) to remember that Jesus Himself was a Jew. I still really like lamb, too.

    By the way… Happy Thanksgiving, too ๐Ÿ™‚

    So I hope your vacation/holidays/ and whatever else you’ve got going on are wonderful!

  • Delia
    Posted at 11:28h, 17 November Reply

    Oh dear. As someone who keeps a “_______ Days ‘Til Christmas!” chalkboard up year-round, I really don’t think my opinion here is valid.

    Off topic, can I just say that, while I very much enjoy Holy Krakatoa, I’m a little disappointed you didn’t go with whoever suggested INTERJECTIONS! It’s almost like Bleep! An homage, if you will. I mean, i was going to suggest something that combined Holy ____, Batman! plus something good, and possibly pop rocks. Like, Holy Pop-Rockin’ Goodness! or some such, but how can you compete with INTERJECTIONS! ? (However, having been apprised of your need for comments, in the future I will make my suggestions regardless of futility.)

    Happy Holidays!

  • Bonnie R. Paulson
    Posted at 11:29h, 17 November Reply

    Honestly? I’m still trying to catch up on the holiday well wishes from 2009. ugh. I like your plan. It will reduce my pile for this year.

  • S. Kyle Davis
    Posted at 11:30h, 17 November Reply

    I’m still kind of on the fence on “Happy Holidays,” not because I think everyone should say Merry Christmas or something, but because it just seems so… impersonal. If you know someone even a bit, you should at least have a general idea of what holiday they celebrate (ok, so this isn’t always true, but it’s a goal, right?). I mean, I guess it’s ok for strangers on the street, but not for someone you know (even if you mean “know” in the abstract, virtual sense).

    I mean “Happy Holidays” feels like you’re saying, “Have fun doing whatever you’re doing, whenever you’re doing it. I don’t really care what that is, and I sure as heck ain’t going to ask, but, well, have fun I guess.”

    So that said, have a Happy (C)hanuk(k)ah! (how’s that for dealing with the spelling issue?)

    (oh, and this reply needs a (whole lot) more parenthetical statements. (like ten or so more))

  • Renee Collins
    Posted at 11:34h, 17 November Reply

    I will use my spare 8 hours and 26 minutes to watch X Men First Class four times in a row and alternate between gazing at James McAvoy’s face and Michael Fassbender’s. Time well spent.

    On a related note, someone gave my husband and I a set of Chanukah hand towels for a wedding present, and we *totally* use them in December. This is one Gentile that gives Jewish holidays their due. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Kay Elam
    Posted at 11:36h, 17 November Reply

    I also like your plan and would use my extra hours sleeping.

    I’m trying something new this year for the holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas). I’m leaving the country (twice) and pretending they don’t exist. We’ll see how that works.

  • Maureen
    Posted at 11:40h, 17 November Reply

    7 Best Things to Do with the Hours Saved by NOT Wishing Folks a Happy Holiday
    [Grinch Version]

    1. Clean your house…no, wait…come over and clean MY house!

    2. Be a good minion and spend the time catching up on your backlogged minionly duties for your kitty. (Dogs have owners; cats have minions. Just ask any cat for confirmation.)

    3. Fly to anyplace warm, tropical, and delicious…but you have to take me with you so I can properly judge its fabulosity–and yours! (Yes, we all get judged.)

    4. Take your favorite chapter or scene from a book or your work in progress and rewrite it, eliminating all uses of “the,” “a/an,” and all forms of the verb “to be.” Then do it again, eliminating all words with more than two syllables. Then do it again, using only words with four or more syllables. Then do it again, incorporating no adjectives, adverbs, or sentences longer than 8 words….are you sick and tired of this yet??? If not, I can continue…

    5. Ask your client or critique partner to take their work-in-progress and “incorporate the intrinsic existentialism of their postmodern affective responses to hypertensive post-colonialism ethnicity to make their work more market-proactive and culturally significant.” (bwah-haa-haa!)

    6. Learn the details of quantum chromodynamics and derive the essential equations controlling brane theory in 11-dimensional multiverses. Apply the resulting equations to determine the exact number of multiverses in which a major NY publisher volunteers to raise royalty rates in 2012. Show your work. (Hint: The answer is 0.)

    7. Conduct detailed experiments on the proper ratios of various forms of chocolate and red wine to maximize healthful benefits. (There will be an exam–I’ll be over for tastings to judge your results!)

    Personally…I vote for #7…

  • guestbrain
    Posted at 11:59h, 17 November Reply

    Kind of brilliant to call us out on not knowing how to spell Hanukkah (full disclosure: got a red squiggle on that the first time and had to auto correct it and I really prefer the C spelling because it seems kind of alt and cool, but auto correct wouldn’t give me that one) or really when it is. I’d be happy to wish people Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas individually, if I wasn’t afraid I’d offend someone by Hanukkah already being over by the time I said something. So… Happy Holidays it is. Although I do have a friend who used to say “Happy Hanukkahmas” but I’m afraid that leaves a few things out.

    Anyhow… I think it’s fine to start with the Happy Holidays now. It’s just cheery. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • isaiahjc
    Posted at 12:07h, 17 November Reply

    You said Happy Holidays? Why would you do that? I mean, jeez, it’s only…

    Oh no.

    Is it really a week before Thanxgiving?
    And only a month(ish) before Christmukkah/Festivus?

    Pardon me while I seize.
    Oh, and Happy Holidays.

  • Rena
    Posted at 12:29h, 17 November Reply

    And a Merry Thanksgivoween to all!

    Seriously though, I saw “holiday” decorations in a store in ….(wait for it)… July.

    Yup, July. I guess I have some overachievers in my neck of the woods.

  • Jim
    Posted at 13:14h, 17 November Reply

    That new signature phrase sweeping the blog can truly spice up hum drum seasonal conversations. This season, I’m going to respond to every routine “Happy Holidays!” with a beaming “And a Holy Krakatoa to you!”
    Good one Rena.

  • Monica B. W. (@Monica_BW)
    Posted at 13:45h, 17 November Reply

    I love that you guys celebrate Thanksgiving! We don’t have it here, and I think the spirit of it is awesome ๐Ÿ˜€
    So since I won’t be saying “Happy thanksgiving” around here, you didn’t save me so much time, lol.

  • Krissy
    Posted at 13:53h, 17 November Reply

    I love reading your blogs they are hilarious

  • MaryAnn (JAustenwannabe)
    Posted at 14:14h, 17 November Reply

    Really laughed at number 3. ๐Ÿ™‚

  • kasie west
    Posted at 17:07h, 17 November Reply

    When you said ‘survey monkey’ I thought there was going to be an actual monkey on your page, giving a survey. I will try to get over my severe disappointment that this wasn’t the case and concentrate on your question. With the time I’m going to save from no longer being thoughtful or caring about others, I am going to find a real survey monkey, build a cage for him in the backyard, and let him tell fortunes.

  • Patrick Alan
    Posted at 22:05h, 17 November Reply

    Happy Kwanzaa!!!

  • Anthony
    Posted at 22:21h, 17 November Reply

    I am humming Christmas music RIGHT NOW.

  • I’m a Sucker for Thanksgiving « Wolfson Literary Agency
    Posted at 10:10h, 23 November Reply

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